Things have been hard lately, and while Nick and I both know that God has good things planned for us, we are having trouble seeing past the obstacles in our path. We were talking through possible solutions to some of our current problems, and Nick made a comment about me settling for short term solutions while ignoring the long term consequences of those choices. And he was right.
For the past several months, I have felt like no matter what I do or don't do, say or don't say, feel or don't feel, I cannot achieve to the level I want. I feel trapped and suffocated.
Imagine walking through a forest, full of rocks and roots and bushes to get tangled up in. It is dark and kind of musty, and the air is so think you cannot catch your breathe. You collapse to the ground from exhaustion and can't stand up again. Your feet are slipping out from under you. The plants are holding you down. You start to crawl, knowing that there is a clearing somewhere ahead. There just has to be. Once you get to the clearing, the ground will level out and the plants will thin, allowing you to stand up and caring on.
That's where I am. I'm trapped on the floor of strange forest, tied down by rocks and trees and plants I've never seen before. I know my hands and knees are going to be sore, but I don't have any other option than to crawl. So I'm crawling. Inching slowly toward whatever lies ahead, knowing that I serve a Good God who has a clearing and a stream placed right where I need it. So I keep going.
But the forest floor hurts. There are twigs and sharp rocks here, cutting my hands and tearing my clothes. And all I can do is focus on the next movement. The big picture would be too painful. One step at a time, I know I'll make it to a clearing or a stream. And it will be beautiful.
But for now, I'm so sick of the trees.